Radical Honesty

The other day a friend said something to the effect of the below, and it is a tenet I really believe in – each and every part of it.

Honesty is one of my top “must-haves” – not only do I need it, but I hold myself to it also.  No matter the nature of the relationship (familial, personal, simply interpersonal), it won’t be a healthy or lasting one without honesty. 

That said, it is vital we learn to say what we need to without being mean about it.  Criticism is hard to take, but when it is constructive, it’s important for us to hear.  

There is a way – and a tone – in which we can deliver criticisms, however – we need to remember that delivery directly affects receptivity.  Further, if we think about how we’d like such commentary delivered to US, we might take a moment before speaking.

Our conduct matters – it not only is a reflection of us, but it affects us, and those around us. We all need to be able to say what we feel – learning and growing is an integral part of life, together with our loved ones, and on our own.  But we do have a choice about how we proceed, how we speak to one another, and whether or not we are upstanding and honest with our word at all times. 

Silence Is Better Than Bullshit

Really, though, I don’t have to justify. . .

Explain. . .

Or elaborate on this one.  

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Can someone spread the word?

You Chance Of Success

There is one thing that can make or break you in Life.  It can alter the reality of your circumstances when the hand has already been dealt…

Your ATTITUDE.

Attitude is everything.  

Human beings are flawed and fragile – some days will be tougher than others, rendering us ill-tempered and apprehensive.  Negative emotions can easily spiral into the doom-and-gloom of the spectrum, inciting a wave of debilitating self-doubt, unhealthy anger, or worse…  

But if we take a step back (no, it isn’t always easy, but it IS possible), we might just find our breath.  That peaceful cadence, which we can control when everything else feels unpredictable.  After a few controlled ins and outs, it’s just possible that you will find yourself a great deal calmer and grounded (you know, less likely to go bananas at the person in front of you at the supermarket taking out the pennies one by one…or the guy in front of you going half the speed limit (I can always do with some improvement myself!) 😉 )

When we ground ourselves, we have a greater capacity to change our thought patterns – being in tune with our breath is being in tune with our rhythm, and that’s exactly where you need to be.  Our mindfulness can take crippling self-skepticism and turn it into curiosity, excitement, faith even!  

My skating coach used to say “can’t is a four letter word” and she was SO correct – we manifest the way we speak to ourselves, so there is NOTHING more important than the conversation we are having WITH ourselves or PROJECTING about ourselves. 

There are plenty of skeptics out there, and certainly they are entitled… But I’d challenge those people to try something a little different…

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Changing the words we use is like walking around with a magic wand – you really DO have that power.  

CAN And The Four Letter Derivative

When I was growing up the rooster of “four letter words” included a few more than ones that come to mind as an adult.  Things like “hate” and “can’t” were as much a taboo as the commonly know “bad words,” not so much from the harsher or inappropriate sound of them, but the damage they could inherently cause.  (And that damage runs deep in the psychological veins, make no mistake!)

My skating coach would correct me immediately if ever I made the grave mistake of uttering the dreaded “can’t” – because it was so drilled into me, I think about it every single time I hear someone say it – even at 37!  And I NEVER, ever use it with respect to myself.

I tend to get very frustrated when I am unable to do something – sadly even with activities I am new to (and therefore have no reason to be, nor expectation of being, an expert!) I had a ton of pressure on me growing up, particularly in sports.  As a young athlete, I was under the spotlight (literally when it came to dance and figure skating), and because I learned quickly, my bar was raised that much higher.

I’m nigh “unteachable” sometimes, because my frustration gets the better of me – I don’t know if it is fear of failure, embarrassment, disappointment, or a combination of the three, but it CAN be debilitating.

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At times like that I have to consciously take a deep breath and LET GO.  I have to remind myself that I CAN do anything I put my mind to – if I am new to it, it will take some time and that’s okay.  It has nothing whatever to do with can or can’t, but everything to do with letting go and trying – giving myself a chance!

It’s important that we stay mindful of the conversation we have with ourselves.  As they say, our self talk is a reflection of the conversation we are holding with the Universe.  And…the ever-famous, “whether you think you can, or think you can’t, you’re right.”

Give yourself a CHANCE.

Take a deep breath, let go of the fears and embarrassment…or at least TRY.  Trying is the first step!

And mind the words you use, and the way you say it… You CAN do anything you put your mind to.  

You CAN.  

That other variation of the word…the one with “‘t” in it?  That doesn’t exist in my vocabulary anymore and I’m definitely the better for it.  Losing that word opens up a whole slew of avenues for success, learning and love.

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The Language of Dance

There are times in Life in which language fails us, whether in great triumph, or devastating loss.  Words can express only so much meaning as they have been endowed with by humankind…

So when I saw this quotation, I lit up, understanding fully what it means to “speak” in movement…

Her Movements

 

Dancing and skating were as much my first language as English, in many ways...  I didn’t know I was an Empath as early on, only that I was different in the way I processed.  I saw the beauty and good in everything, but I also felt like words were sometimes NOT enough.

Skating and dancing were ways in which I could cope with Life, and I realized that I was “speaking” just as loudly…and effectively…through my movement.

When I was about 15 or 16, a childhood classmate…the first boy who ever expressed interest in me and asked me out…was killed as the result of a car crash.  I can still feel the sadness in my chest when I write about it, these many, many years later.  I was scheduled to do a performance at a skating show only weeks later, and so I let his mother know that I was going to perform in his honor. 

I still remember it…

I remember the sound of rain falling in the beginning of the song, and how I opened the program.

I remember the dress I wore and how the cool air felt, and smelled…and what it was like to glide through the program from start to finish.  For me, those few minutes afforded me the “words” with which to say “I miss you.  I’m so sad.  I don’t understand…  But I know you’ve transcended this physical for a Life eternal, for a reason only you know…  We cannot fathom, those of us left behind…”

There were no words to express how I felt, especially with respect to seeing his mother upstairs behind the glass watching me…

When I finished, I came off the ice, and she greeted me with a smile and tears.  She hugged me and gave me an angel that he had on his dresser.  I still have it on mine.  

I knew that my sentiments came through in my movement – so much more clearly than if I had called, or written, or shown up at her door.  And it meant everything to me that she knew he was in my thoughts too.

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Words don’t always delve deeply enough…  

Letters of an alphabet we created are stitched together, glued in place with meanings we have given them…and in that, I feel the confines are too great.  

Words are bound by limitations, where movement is free to “BE”…  

And so, for me, movement IS the pen with which I write…  My story, my feelings, the depths of my heart…  The expression is as infinite as the stars in the Night sky.