No Sleep For The Thinking

I keep telling myself that there is NO GOOD REASON that I don’t sleep well. I have done so many types of body work, including Alexander Technique and Somatic, that I “should” (evil word) be able to shut my brain down.

“NOT SO!!!,” says my alter ego (the black kitten below)

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7 Lessons to Remember When Life Seems to Suck, By Benson Wong

I really appreciated this article by Benson Wong – it just came through to my inbox today via Tiny Buddha, a site I adore.  I get their e-mails regularly, and generally find myself nodding along in agreement – or simply in shared experience – as I read the various stories and entries presented.  What I like is that the authors are real people, from all over the globe, sharing honest experiences…many of which you may find you can relate to.  

I enjoyed Benson Wong’s post because I’m the kind of person who tries to air on the side of the positive.  ALL the time. I can be a real pain in the ass, I have as many flaws as the next human being (if not more!) and I most DEFINITELY have bad days…

BUT. . .

The thing is, as an Empath, I don’t HAVE the luxury of dwelling on the bad – a perpetual focus on the negative (or – FAR worse – adding to it) is a quick trip into depression for me.  I’m okay to admit that – my sensitivity is absolutely a gift, but it’s something I must always remain mindful of, lest my overactive mind, and ultra compassionate heart pull me into some quicktar.  Yes, you read that right (and I made it up!)  It wouldn’t be sand for me.  It would be flat-out TAR.  

This would be me - trying to see the positive, but sinking into a black abyss! http://nachoabyss.com/page/6

This would be me – trying to see the positive, but sinking into a black abyss! http://nachoabyss.com/page/6

But life is stressful some…er…MOST of the time.  There’s a lot going on, ALL the time, and there always will be.  There’s always going to be SOMEthing to feel anxious about, frustrated over, or peeved by.  So having the reminder – or several – in your arsenal is incredibly valuable.

We ALL need to step back, breathe, and remember…especially during those down-in-the-doldrums moments…that things aren’t as bad as they seem, and that we DO have a choice about how to move forward.  

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Changing our focus to the positive can move mountains.  Okay…maybe not literally, that would be a hefty challenge (and frankly highly impressive on a superhuman scale), but you know what I mean.  A positive mindset can shift the energies in your life rather dramatically, and settle your nervous system down enough to realize that villainous “mountain” is not only scalable, but possibly a lot less threatening than you thought.

(C) Jantoo

(C) Jantoo

Coincidence

I have never believed in coincidence…not even as a little girl.  Instead, events felt more to me as if something grander conspired to have them occur.  As if fate somehow knew one thing would lead to another (with the infinite multitude of permutations already calculated and accounted for.  Naturally!)

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I have always leaned towards optimism, believing that all experiences in Life have some positivity inherent within them – as the saying goes, “sometimes you win, sometimes you learn.”  Learning for me is ever and always a positive.

Lest I go too deeply into hypotheticals…  For one, I believe that we meet the people we are meant to meet, and when we are supposed to.  Each person is a piece of a much larger, much more complex puzzle, fusing the ends of one lesson with another, or perhaps leaving another section open for something new to fit in.

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After a long run of abusive and painful relationships I fell into a situation far worse than the others… Without realizing, I spiraled into a state much like being brainwashed, forfeiting my own passions, my own joy, my own Life for someone who couldn’t possibly appreciate it, much less see it. 

It was, without question, the most devastating and painful of all of the traumas I’d been through, sending me into a state of non-function.  But for the first time in my Life, the lights went on – ALL of them.  Born of all that suffering, though, came the most critical lesson of all – the gift of knowing I am worth so much more.  The gift of knowing I deserve love, respect and goodness.

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Praise be the light switch…!

In my mind the prospect of coincidence is too far-fetched.  The idea that there is some meaning, some reason, some benefit in circumstance, however, is one I can embrace more readily.  

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No matter how bleak the landscape became, nor how dark and oppressive, I believed I was on a path which would lead to others, PTSD be damned.  

I believed my end was neither assured, nor imminent.

I had choices.  But so too were those choices given to me, as there was something more elysian at work, guiding me to a reality so much brighter.  

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The moment my thinking changed, my Life was altered…for good…and for the better. That one snowy day at the beginning of Spring, the love of my Life walked through the door.  I knew then.  I knew immediately.

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There was no coincidence in our meeting.  No coincidence in our mutual friend wanting us to get together.  I am wholly and utterly convinced that it was meant to be – divined by the Stars?  A conspiracy of supernal magnitude?  

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Nothing that moment felt new – it was as if I’d known him forever.  It was as if, on a much higher plane, my Spirit breathed a sigh of relief.  

Or perhaps it was that it breathed for the first time in my Life…?

It is easy to say things are uncalculated, sometimes fortuitous, other times not…but then Life seems so much more Magical, mysterious, and purposeful to me…

I’d rather believe, right or wrong, that those diamonds which illuminate the velvet Night sky whisper and conspire…weaving dreams with possibilities, and bringing gifts into our Lives.