People are complicated – even when you make every effort to empathize, to walk in another person’s shoes, putting aside the urge to respond negatively, some people are painfully impossible to deal with.
When we understand the notion that another person’s response and (re)actions are effectively a result of their place in their own evolution (which cannot rightly be compared to ours or anyone else’s) it is far easier to deal with them.
While I *want* to take the path of gentle kindness, absence of judgment, 100% positivity…I don’t always. I’m human! But imagine, then, how easily I set up the disappointments in expecting others to meet me on that plane – if I really want to be those things with every fiber of my being and I still fall short too, it seems I’m expecting a bit (a lot!) too much of everyone else.
That doesn’t mean to say behaviors are excused, that I don’t have a right to expect a certain level of decency, for example, or for someone to live up to basic standards. What I mean is that if I understand others aren’t on my wavelength, it makes letting things go, and moving on, a whole lot easier. It helps me to recognize that I operate at a different vibration, in other words, which gives a lot less power to other people…and puts more (potentially all of it, wouldn’t that be nice!) in my hands.
No one else has a right to ruin my mood – I let it happen sometimes, and that’s on me. When I change my view, and recognize that, while a lot of people have done some hard-work-soul-searching…probably more people haven’t.
To face oneself is one of the bravest things anyone can do, but it doesn’t occur to people naturally all the time… We live amidst an increasingly mindful existence in some ways, and a horribly (and rapidly-occurring) detached one in others. If people haven’t “met themselves” on a deeper level, they simply aren’t capable of meeting you at your vibrationally higher altitude.
It may be a challenge to disassociate and detach from others when their behaviors fall short in our eyes…but when we learn to do it, we can live a much more peaceful existence. I’ve worked on this one for a long time, and I’ve got many moons and miles yet to go – but progress is progress and knowing is absolutely half (or more) or the battle.
“Should” is dangerous. It looks perfectly benign, and wasn’t exactly something I grew up thinking deeply about – it’s just a word after all. Right?
“Should,” however, can quickly turn into trouble when we apply it to our situation, for example. “I should have more money by now,” “I should have reacted differently,” I shouldn’t have studied ____ in school…now it’s too late,” or “I should have listened to so-and-so.”
Life is a journey – we are all presented with circumstances, joys, challenges, and opportunities as they are meant for us. . . I sincerely believe we are precisely where we need to be.
If we had more money, maybe it would be at the expense of our own self-worth, or our family’s happiness. If we reacted differently to a stimulus, perhaps that resultant, and positive opportunity, would not have been made available. If we didn’t study what we had, perhaps we’d not have come to the realization that we are best suited for another area. If we listened to so-and-so, maybe we wouldn’t have made the mistake that finally put us on a path to recovery…
There are so many “what-if”s and if we play too much with them in our minds, we neglect all the blessings we have in front of us. To say “should” imposes on reality the idea that we are not where we should be… And yet there are so many circumstances where we find our lives falling right into place, rather miraculously.
When we use “should” with respect to ourselves, it can become much more than a word – when we say things like “I should have known better,” or “I shouldn’t be ________” we are adding a layer of self-judgement to the mix. It becomes less about a word, and more about an attitude – and when we use words with respect to ourselves, we begin to believe them….
None of us are perfect. . .and that’s okay. There is no “right way” to be, neither a flawless mold to which to adhere.
Each of us is on a unique path, and we are – even when it seems otherwise – right we are meant to be. When we view our world from this lens, we bring the present back into focus, diminishing the anxieties, worries, self-imposed judgments and falsities that the brain likes to dwell on when we revisit our past…or project into the future.
Including “should” in our conversations with ourselves begins to erode our self-confidence – it can do so not only unbeknownst to us, but at a frighteningly rapid pace. To let go of the notion allows our inner dialogues to remain healthy, and as we are a reflection of the divine around us (whatever that means to you) those words we speak about ourselves matter.
Our lives are like flowers whose petals must unfold as they – and Nature – are ready. To rush them is to destroy the life itself, whether directly or on a more, shall we say, spiritual level.
Allow yourself the room to BE without the confines of “should” – even when life feels askew, remember that the last time it felt that way, the cycle came whirling back around to everything-is-okay.
And…it will be. ❤
Ever and always some of the best advice on the planet…
Behavior or actions generally come with – what I perceive as – “pre-existing conditions.” There’s:
. . .Past experiences
The stresses of our current lives
Our mood(s) at any given moment, and. . .
Whatever beliefs and conditioning we have had over time.
That’s a LOT. . .
So just as with us, another person’s behavior(s) and actions(s) aren’t because of you, about you, or even your fault. Most of the time it’s all that other “pre-existing” stuff that gets in the way…
“You have no power over me” is one of the most incredible phrases you will ever have in your arsenal, and it’s one you should say in your mind often. No one has the right, nor the ability, to control you, your emotions, your thoughts, your attitudes, your behaviors…or your day! Only YOU have that power, so don’t knowingly give it away by letting their “stuff” creep in.
Definitely easier said than done but it truly is like having peace in your pocket – peace is in your possession at ALL times.
- Failure is NEVER the end. In fact, without failure, we might very well miss out on what we are meant to do and meant to learn. Embrace mistakes and endings, and recognize them as the begging of something great.
- Things don’t change just because you want them to / say they will. If you want change, you must take action – life isn’t going to drop what we need at our feet most of the time. We have to work hard, set intentions, and put actions into play. Period
- ALWAYS go above and beyond. Promise what you will, and over deliver on those promises. Your name is on your work, so give a shit and make it count.
- Teach others (without being condescending.) Your knowledge and experiences are valuable, not only to you, but to others who will come after. Sharing the wealth in this way benefits everyone.
- Question before jumping to conclusions. As human beings, we all often fall into the ass-of-you-and-me trap. It’s important to step back and recognize that what we *think* may be the case, may be the farthest thing from. What someone SAYS is gospel, may be in fact be a figment of another’s imagination (or poor googling!)
- Make peace with your past. Tough one, for sure! Do what you can to make peace with your past, and those in it – this might mean ongoing help to overcome the habits the past has instilled within you, and that’s okay. Just make sure you work on it – no one deserves to be confined to past challenges. There is hope, and there’s always room to break free!
- Turn. Your. Brain. OFF! Some of us overthink (which can be disastrous –> irrational brain on overdrive!) and some of us conceptualize (read: think about ways to do this or that, but never take the plunge and ACT. As with #2, you have to DO in order to initiate change – things aren’t going to materialize for you while you sit and ponder!)
- NEVER, EVER compare yourself to others. PERIOD. If you can’t help yourself, compare you to you yesterday – that is the only person you need to concern yourself with. You may see good, bad, or ugly in others…and you can rest assured that the flip side of any of those also exists (you just aren’t privy.) The point being, you have no idea what another’s true reality is, so don’t’ make yourself crazy trying to pit yourself and your circumstances against it.