New Month Affirmation

Affirmations are wonderful things, and can – quite literally – shift one’s mindset. By so doing, we are then open and able attract the good things we want and need to create our desired reality.

Yes, you can start anew – it’s never too late!

Magic, really. . .

New Moon Spring Cleaning

We will all be going through a new moon in two days – yes, right on top of St. Patty’s (if that’s your thing.) While each day is an opportunity to let go of what isn’t serving us (self-deprecating beliefs, irrational ideas, hurtful attitudes, debilitating fears…whatever it may be!), a new moon is perfect timing. You don’t necessarily have to have witchiness in your blood, nor anything special beyond desire and willingness. It’s about delving deeply within ourselves and really “seeing” the whole picture…

Many of us are our own worst enemy. We all have flaws, fears, and insecurities – all of which are very real in our minds. As a human being it is not only expected that we will harbor these feelings…but it is also okay that we do. What matters is what we do with that information, with that honesty, and with our intention.

Focused intention – and a lot of self-love – is all you really need for the magic to unfold…

  • Make a list of the things you don’t need to carry around in your mind and heart. Think about each one, and what it would be like to let it go…
  • Then make a list of all the good things you are thankful for in your life, opening yourself to the possibility that more of it is coming your way

It’s a small exercise, but profound. And there’s really no better time than the present to recommit to taking care of you.

HAPPY NEW MOON! ❤

Magical Food For Thought

So many wonderful, wise gems in the seemingly outlandish Alice In Wonderland!  

There is quite a lot of truth to this, and to so many sneaky little points in a story presented (merely on the colorful surface, of course) as impossible. . . 

Naysayers abound, and yet the search for (and indulgence in) magical elixirs seems as feverish as ever.  In fact, I dare say it takes on more and more urgency by the generation. . . . . 

No.  I’m afraid while magic of a sort most certainly exists. . .good old fashion work must be put in.  Even – as a start – with one’s intentions!

Thankful – adj \ feeling or expressing gratitude; appreciative

Sometimes I annoy people with my positive outlook.  Other times, I flat-out frustrate.  Maybe they aren’t internalizing that I have days where I feel down, discouraged, angry, and disappointed too – trust me, there are plenty!  Maybe they just don’t understand why, in spite of the ugliness Life can occasionally dish out, I even want to focus on the good.  

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For me, energy is everything – I view the world in energetic terms, and (again – for me) it matters what I put out, and what I focus on.  I have witnessed “unfairness” at it’s finest – whether in suffering, death, abuse, misfortune, or debilitating pain… I’ll never gloss over the “tough” without tears, reflection, acknowledgment, and sometimes despair…  But I will try – my damnedest – to find the lesson, the blessing, and the good in everything.  There have been times I’m not sure I’ve actually found the “good”…but I try to at least go in that direction knowing that in doing the opposite, I may as well surrender my own wellbeing.

Whenever this “Thanksgiving” holiday rolls around, I feel like I actually become a little bit annoyed myself.  I’m not on board with the idea that we have one day of “thanksgiving” but I guess if that’s what gets people together, and in a positive mind frame, why not.  That said, thanksgiving is something I personally try to make room for each day.

I’ve had a lot handed to me – neither will there be a day that I am not acutely aware of the sacrifices made to make that happen, nor that I am not immensely grateful.  There is also a lot I had to work my ASS off to have, and lot I’ve had to work through.  There might be only a small handful of people who fully understand the “work” I’ve put in, and just how far I’ve come, but I’m okay with that.  I’m thankful for my own journey – the good, the bad, and the downright horrifying.

I don’t always remember to write out those things for which I am thankful – generally I think them, or say them to myself.  Writing, though, is a phenomenal exercise – not only in mindfulness, but in self-learning.  When we take the time to sit down, peel back the layers, delve deeply and feel, we come up with a lot more than we might have expected.

You can be thankful for little things as much as the substantial.

What you feel thankful for is never “wrong” because it is what feels right to you.

Gratitude goes a looooong way energetically, sharing with the Universe what other “good” should come your way.

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I’m thankful for so much I think I could fill a book…but why not, after all?  The more, especially in this case, the merrier. ❤

Him

One year ago a man walked through the door of a coffee shop, brushing the unremitting, though gentle Spring snow from his head – I knew then that something was different, how fitting Mother Nature made a point that the day stand out. 

We had agreed to meet at the long-time urging of a friend (how blessed I am for the persistence!) – she unknowing altered my Life, acquainting me with what (who) would be the most precious gift of all my years.  Just days earlier he accepted a job in another state and would be moving only two weeks later – we’d apparently grown up in the same, relatively small town – how terribly ill-timed it seemed, at yet how fortuitous…

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Six months prior, I’d ended a third abusive relationship with a very ill human being – Narcissistic Personality Disorder and alcoholism at the core of the troubles, though scarcely the whole of them.  I had suffered trauma before, not recognizing my propensity towards codependency, but this was the most severe, triggering layers upon layers of anguish…and adding several more.  I wasn’t launched into a nightmare of eating disorders, as I was ten years prior from the abuse of a then, also alcoholic, boyfriend…but the PTSD came raging back (with a capital C before it, sadly.)

I was rendered nonfunctional, incapable of leaving my apartment, save to go to my (outrageously supportive!) parents’ house to weep, seemingly ad infinitum.  I slept on their living room couch for weeks, afraid and unable to be alone. Trauma therapy (EMDR), talk therapy, medication, podcasts, hypnosis, meditation, chakra balancing, Cranial Sacral work, Brainspotting, somatic release, blog scouring….I did ALL of it.  I did everything I possibly could to regain some vestige of strength and stability, but there was one bit of edification the EMDR would provide that would change everything…  

As I worked through painful, teary sessions, the fog began to lift from my eyes.  Though my loved ones insisted this wasn’t a pattern, I knew I had some part to play, and was desperate to discover the nature of it, no matter what the mirror reflected back.  Over time I began to see a woman with a devoted heart, a boundless spirit, an interminable will, who painted herself with appalling falsities and misplaced intolerance.  I realized that not only had I woven…and believed!…countless lies about myself…but I had actually never thought I deserved better.  The moment I accepted that I DID, my World was turned upside-down (for, rest assured, the better.)

I made a point to make a vision board – one into which I poured countless hours, both physically and emotionally.  Had I not infused each part with my spirit, I am not certain I would have come out to this path – the explicit nature of my intentions, and the reality which I breathed into each one, made (I believe) all the difference – it is in this way we practice “Magic.”  I read all the written words aloud as 2014 melted away, with a voice as strong as I could muster.  At 12:01, my heart beat more clearly and resolutely than it had in a long time –  whatever the shift that occurred was one I felt within, and without.

The next two months had their share of distress and lachryma…points at which I needed to work within moments (a day at a time, hour to hour, still feeling insurmountable.)  But on the 1st of March, the Stars connivance collided in a rush of Springtime snow, and a smile I was certain I’d known before…  Yes, and coffee too!

What they say about true love...about immediate knowing…it IS true.  It was as if a prior Life rekindled and flashed a thousand embraces in my mind.

The soul knows before the rest of us, often…  It knows despite the urging of the mind, or heart.  I’d learned over time to over-justify, to make excuses for others, to drown out my “gut feeling” in effort to make another person happy, or to keep the peace…but it always knew rightly.  Upon reflection I could enumerate at length how infinitely more acute my gut actually is than any fiction my brain could devise, or reason my heart urge I pursue.

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Every so often, all this time later, I feel as if I need to blink my eyes open…pinch myself…in effort to affirm I am indeed in conscious waking. His companionship is so much a gift that I’d not change a moment of my past – no matter which part – as I believe it gave me what I needed not only to find him, but to appreciate all that he is, as well as to appreciate myself.

I always believed that there is a reason in everything – for me personally, the notion has proved a beacon in the Night when the World seemed unusually cruel.  I believed that I could learn, and gain something positive, from my suffering…not least of which was some illumination, or enlightenment.  I do not believe we must suffer needlessly, only that whatever I have known within my own Life has given me strength and clearer vision.  So too have I recognized that my heart is capable of loving to oblivion, not only others, but for once in my Life, also myself.

I am blessed to have a companion who not only cherishes and respects me, but one who sincerely values who I am, and all I have known.  One of my greatest fears was that I would, yet again, be abandoned, threatened, cast aside as a stranger by the person I poured my soul into…  But when I met the Love of my Life, the fear began to subside…  

Not only do I feel loved, I know I am loved… He makes the effort always to let me know that I am neither alone, nor that I ever need be. He communicates with me honestly, and tells me with the utmost sincerity that “everything will be okay” when the pain creeps back in.  When you are in abusive relationships, you spend more time in “flight or fright” mode to the point you begin to think it is “normal.”  The desperate need for some reassurance, constancy or support is never fulfilled but somehow we push on…   

There are so many people who suffer at the hands of those incapable of loving us in return, but we needn’t remain there.  We do have a choice, and it is okay to reach out for the help we need to regain our strength and self-confidence.  

Codependency is common to Empaths, but we do not HAVE to be bound to the fate of fixing, helping, and losing ourselves…and our Lives.  It is possible to break the cycle, to learn to love ourselves, to learn to set boundaries…

True love exists, make no mistake.  It can paint the World with vibrancy you’d never believe existed, and extinguish all the shadows of your past.  The first step is loving yourself, above all, and believing that you deserve the best.  Once you believe it utterly, your World will change, blooming like am infinite blossom in the morning sun.