Bubblegum (sugar-free, of course) happens to be a real saving grace for me. Yes, I know the majority of ingredients are alarmingly unpronounceable. And I am perfectly well aware that increasing the rate and intensity at which I chew may well land me in TMJ (temporomandibular joint) jail – I’ve induced the condition in the past – vehemently chomping through stress – so no need to preach to me about that!
Bazooka Gum comic
Still. . .bubblegum – Bubblemint, to be clear – has prevented me from many an unsavory situation. Perhaps it is the sweet, non-sugared (though, thanks to fancy-pants, long-winded chemicals) “candied,” pink piquancy that accounts for the of super, ass-kicking power it bestows upon the chewer? I wish I could have asked Roddy Piper. . .
Roddy Piper from They Live
Let’s take the recent crane crash on the Tappan Zee bridge… How fun was it to get that news, while already driving back home at the WORST time of day?!
The reroute of traffic (through every neighboring town, city, suburb, what have you) to the GWB (that’s George Washington Bridge, for those fortunate not to know it) caused a massive hazarai. New Yorkers are naturally aggressive on the road – add to that proclivity the threat. . .er, promise. . .of substantial delays, and you are a minnow maneuvering in a shark tank. Yikes.
One lady literally drove her car towards mine, only a hair shy of indentation. Normally I might say a few disgruntled words to myself…but her singing and snide, deliberately obnoxious (feigned, I dare add) “smiley” attitude rubbed me so the wrong way that I thought I was about to get out of the car – Black Label hoodie, four-eyed and all. It was like a wave of precursory “road rage” that broadsided me. As a martial artist I always have that voice that kicks in saying “you never know who you are dealing with” in the back of my head. Well, that angel’s voice took its quick cue, thankfully. . .but it wasn’t until I had some bubblegum that the devil was quelled.
All hail the mighty Bubble(mint)!
Yes…three, simulated-saccharine pieces and all was okay with the world. (Alright, my knee was uptight and I wanted out, but it was better.)
As Waze and Google simultaneously – and resolutely! – labored to find the fastest route (I was on it but one can hope), I took a deep breath, turned up my Octane, and enjoyed the familiar swell of sweetness.