I don’t do Valentines…but I do take love seriously. ❤
It is my favorite day, Halloween. I’ve said it more than Scheherazade (though admittedly not with my life – nor freedom – hanging in the balance.) Still, the ardent affections burrowed deep enough within my heart to remain all this time later. Halloween in the Northeast in particular is divine – The fragrances in the air intoxicate, the colors seduce, the sounds enchant the ears – there is no aspect of it – neither linearly, nor in the peripheral – that does not send me reeling.
For many years I wrote an annual Halloween “poem” of sorts – my boss at the time anticipated it harkening the 31st with such eagerness that I would be asked in advance when the e-mail was coming…nevermind that looming Shoe Show deadline! I’d have a new “story” each year – sometimes reflections on a trip I’d taken that reminded me of the season, or the general atmosphere itself, and the command upon my senses.
I love Hallow’s Eve so much that as a child I was certain it would be the only day on which I’d be married – no matter the calendar year may not oblige with a Hallowed Saturday… To me, there was nothing better than the idea of saying “I do” when I felt most in my element.
For a while there – and, at this juncture, I will spare the novel – I settled on being solo. Independence always suited me – I like my space, and neither have I necessarily wanted to be beholden to anyone, nor anyone to me. But in 2015, the stars aligned in such a way as to change my journey forever. I knew that moment – even before we spoke a word to one another – that I would rather live my Life with him in it. I am both humbled and thankful those celestial orbs adhered to their errand so devoutly (lest love have traversed my path only but for a moment…or missed it entirely.)
There are countless reasons that I love, but one – no small detail – is that I am accepted and loved for precisely who I am. That odd amalgamation of goth and glitter…the vampishness, vulnerabilities, empathetic heart, and unconventional predilections towards all things Ninja…
When I said I wanted to be married on Halloween, I was not only not met with resistance but was asked “on which day does it fall?” This year…a Monday, sad to say. But the Saturday before? Ahhh…
As anyone planning a wedding can attest to, venues book terribly far out. With about seven months (a hair less), and a contract out on the day I desired, I am convinced the stars – once again – conspired in our favor. When I was told the day was ours he said “I thought you might have fallen over when you heard him say we could have the 29th!” I nearly did.
Not everyone has the luxury of having the date they *may so desperately* want. And though I am certain two hearts are in true love to be committing in marriage, not everyone is quite so open-minded. I feel blessed beyond words that I am in a partnership where I – and all my curious conventions (and two black cats!) – are embraced fully. No two human beings boast edges as smooth as puzzle pieces – what matters, though, is that there is respect, support, and love in spite of our eccentricities (and less than lovely moments.)
I recognize that Halloween isn’t necessarily the most traditional, nuptially-flavored day…but it was the one I had my heart set on. That I could choose it – indeed as a celebratory time for each year going forward – is a special gift in my mind.
For as long as I can recall, my go-to phrase (and story-end sentiment) was “haunt like you meant it.” Well…while you are at it, love like you mean it too – because it is on that precipice where the most profound things occur, and when you suddenly realize just how OKAY it is to be you.
Morticia and Gomez are my favorite (fictional) couple on the planet. Yes, it is true… Once upon a time it was Romeo and Juliet whose story so wooed my amorous heart. But, alas, they met so tragic an end that it felt utterly senseless to yearn for such a love – noble it was, but so star-crossed.
After many ill-suited years, I vowed that all which enamored me of their love would, instead, be discharged. Those Gothic paramours, whom I have adored from childhood…so much more suited to life-(as in, living!)-long love.
Is it wrong to aspire to so lofty a post as to silence a lover’s demons. . ?
I think not.
I’ve said it time and time again… I may not be as “outwardly” so as back in my college youth…but…my “gothieness” is still more than evident!
I’m a Vamp at heart, a lover, and a fighter for what I care most about. I never fit in, never really wanted to…and am relatively certain I never will. I don’t care much for molds, though neither is it in utter defiance of authority, nor in effort to gain attention by breaking the rules. It just IS.
I just AM.
This particular image, of course, was one I ever and always adored – the Vamp aesthetic was the very one to which I aspired all my years. Yes, the ghostly pallor, Night-hued locks, ruby lips (not to mention the second-skin black apparel – my daily uniform!)
While I am scarcely so stand-out, leaning to the sporty side of things these days, it is simply the look which resonates most deeply with me. ❤ It was that way when I was a little girl, and has not wavered an ounce.
I will always appreciate and recognize beauty in other forms, but at my core, I am Vamp 1,000%. Forgive me…or do not...but I shall make no effort to alter my heart in pursuit of some other aesthetic as, in my own mind, our propensities are the spice of Life!
Proof is in the pudding…