Fearless

Fear of failure is common amongst us all… It is a painfully debilitating attitude which not only keeps us from learning, but potentially also from something we may truly love.  

To impose such binding limitations without offering our minds, bodies, and souls the opportunity to experience and grow with life is an injustice beyond reason.  There is never a rational explanation, nor any excuse – we must, in the face of fear, step forward, lest our lives slip from our fingers while we watch.

 

SaveSave

(A Few Of) Life’s Helpful Hints

 

  1. Failure is NEVER the end.  In fact, without failure, we might very well miss out on what we are meant to do and meant to learn.  Embrace mistakes and endings, and recognize them as the begging of something great.
  2. Things don’t change just because you want them to / say they will.  If you want change, you must take action – life isn’t going to drop what we need at our feet most of the time.  We have to work hard, set intentions, and put actions into play.  Period
  3. ALWAYS go above and beyond. Promise what you will, and over deliver on those promises.  Your name is on your work, so give a shit and make it count.
  4. Teach others (without being condescending.)  Your knowledge and experiences are valuable, not only to you, but to others who will come after.  Sharing the wealth in this way benefits everyone.
  5. Question before jumping to conclusions.  As human beings, we all often fall into the ass-of-you-and-me trap.  It’s important to step back and recognize that what we *think* may be the case, may be the farthest thing from.  What someone SAYS is gospel, may be in fact be a figment of another’s imagination (or poor googling!) 
  6. Make peace with your past. Tough one, for sure!  Do what you can to make peace with your past, and those in it – this might mean ongoing help to overcome the habits the past has instilled within you, and that’s okay.  Just make sure you work on it – no one deserves to be confined to past challenges.  There is hope, and there’s always room to break free!
  7. Turn. Your. Brain. OFF! Some of us overthink (which can be disastrous –> irrational brain on overdrive!) and some of us conceptualize (read: think about ways to do this or that, but never take the plunge and ACT. As with #2, you have to DO in order to initiate change – things aren’t going to materialize for you while you sit and ponder!)
  8. NEVER, EVER compare yourself to others. PERIOD. If you can’t help yourself, compare you to you yesterday – that is the only person you need to concern yourself with.  You may see good, bad, or ugly in others…and you can rest assured that the flip side of any of those also exists (you just aren’t privy.)  The point being, you have no idea what another’s true reality is, so don’t’ make yourself crazy trying to pit yourself and your circumstances against it.  

Martial Arts Humor – Injuries And The White Belt

It’s funny…but not.  Especially because it isn’t so much the white belt who ends up hurt, but the training partner.

screen-shot-2016-09-28-at-5-25-27-pm

(C) Cartoonstock Jcen624

We all start somewhere, no question about it – accidents ARE going to happen, it’s Martial Arts, for crying out loud.  BUT…

But…

It’s absolutely vital that newer students are not only encouraged to slow down, but ASKED to.  The first nose fracture I sustained a few months ago wasn’t from a white belt – it was a tough technique, a few parts went awry between us…it happens.

But this time it was more the result of over-excitedness, and lack of body control – common to newer students.

I went slowly.  I made a point to say “because this is designed to break the arm and damage the joints, it’s really important to go slowly.  It’s easy to go too far before your partner has a chance to tap…”  

The message has to come from all of us, though – it has to be engrained from the get-go, because many of our techniques (self defense-based, as much as offensively-based) are designed to injure.  Even when a technique is meant only to control, there is room for an accident mindfulness makes a HUGE difference in lessening the potential for injury on the mat.  

After I took a heel to the face, re-fracturing my nose, a fellow student took the time to say (to my distressed training partner) “you really need to go slower.  You have a high energy – that’s great -but in here, we really have to go slow…and slower still.  We go slow for a LONG time.”

screen-shot-2016-11-16-at-5-45-07-pm

I think there’s a misconception that going slowly is a bad thing – it ISN’T.  As the saying goes, slow is fast, fast is slow… Being deliberate in the movements builds – first of all – the proper muscle memory. Bad habits are a NIGHTMARE to fix – you want to be drilling the correct mechanics of the technique so, when it matters, that’s how you respond.  

The other part of that is…you actually CAN hurt the person you are working with.  It isn’t a stretch because that is precisely what you are learning to do.  If you are more senior, you don’t have to be overbearing – but it is partially your responsibility to guide others when you notice they aren’t as in control as they need to be.  Sometimes even then…accidents occur.  So back up your peers if you need to – my friend stepping in was appreciated because while my partner won’t forget she fractured my nose…she was given extra reinforcement from the messages given to her afterwards.

Martial Arts – The Love Of Losing

At Ninjutsu, my Sensei teaches the children to embrace failure.  We ask them – often“who loves to lose?!”

Joyfully, the children yell out “MEEEE!”

We then ask, WHY do you love to lose?”

“Because it helps us to leaaarrrrnnn!!!” they emphatically reply.

Screen Shot 2016-09-04 at 11.13.08 AM

Life is riddled with challenges – there are often far more “failures,” lost games, missed deadlines, rejections (etc!) than there are successes.  But as a result, we learn SO much more – We grow and develop to have an astoundingly richer, more valuable experience in Life, and we learn that NOT winning is not only OKAY…but it is a POSITIVE.

In my mind (and heart) teaching this to children cannot be started early enough.  Let them know that failures are going to happen – no one likes surprises! 😉

But ALSO let them know that it is okay, that their own value has not diminished in any way, and that because of that “loss” many good things will bloom in its place.

More of my Martial Arts… ❤

You’re Not Going That Way…

This is something I try to be incredibly mindful of…

Screen Shot 2015-11-30 at 5.54.13 PM

Having met with fear, failure, and success over time…as do we all of the human race…I cannot help but “fluctuate” – some days are good, some are great, while others feel somber and disheartening.

I sincerely believe that each experience provides wisdom and strength – while in some ways the construct of time is man-made (or made-determined), each moment builds, follows a prior one…and collapses as the next “tick” comes.  It will march forward one way or the other and being “stuck” is a painful and lonely place to be.

Accepting and acknowledging our feelings is of vital importance – they are, after all, valid.  That said, the deeper-colored they are, the more oppressive the shadows they cast over our positivity and well-being.  

I had some flashbacks myself the other day about an abusive person who had very little good to say, and who wounded me very deeply.  It hurt.  It was frightening.  It was sobering, and saddening…  I coincidentally came across this quotation not long after them – what a lovely reminder!

Staying mindful, and as much in the moment, focused on the good things feels like the proper undercurrent for me – I have my moments, and I forgive myself that I am human, shaped by the ups and downs of Life.  I remember that I am okay NOW – I am in a great place, I have fought to be where I am…and I am SO much stronger than I was.  

When the past endeavors to persuade my heart and spirit to sink, I take a deep breath and focus on the path ahead of me, and the blessings of NOW.  You are allowed to feel…but remember that you also have control, and you ARE doing great.