“Should” is dangerous. It looks perfectly benign, and wasn’t exactly something I grew up thinking deeply about – it’s just a word after all. Right?
“Should,” however, can quickly turn into trouble when we apply it to our situation, for example. “I should have more money by now,” “I should have reacted differently,” I shouldn’t have studied ____ in school…now it’s too late,” or “I should have listened to so-and-so.”
Life is a journey – we are all presented with circumstances, joys, challenges, and opportunities as they are meant for us. . . I sincerely believe we are precisely where we need to be.
If we had more money, maybe it would be at the expense of our own self-worth, or our family’s happiness. If we reacted differently to a stimulus, perhaps that resultant, and positive opportunity, would not have been made available. If we didn’t study what we had, perhaps we’d not have come to the realization that we are best suited for another area. If we listened to so-and-so, maybe we wouldn’t have made the mistake that finally put us on a path to recovery…
There are so many “what-if”s and if we play too much with them in our minds, we neglect all the blessings we have in front of us. To say “should” imposes on reality the idea that we are not where we should be… And yet there are so many circumstances where we find our lives falling right into place, rather miraculously.
When we use “should” with respect to ourselves, it can become much more than a word – when we say things like “I should have known better,” or “I shouldn’t be ________” we are adding a layer of self-judgement to the mix. It becomes less about a word, and more about an attitude – and when we use words with respect to ourselves, we begin to believe them….
None of us are perfect. . .and that’s okay. There is no “right way” to be, neither a flawless mold to which to adhere.
Each of us is on a unique path, and we are – even when it seems otherwise – right we are meant to be. When we view our world from this lens, we bring the present back into focus, diminishing the anxieties, worries, self-imposed judgments and falsities that the brain likes to dwell on when we revisit our past…or project into the future.
Including “should” in our conversations with ourselves begins to erode our self-confidence – it can do so not only unbeknownst to us, but at a frighteningly rapid pace. To let go of the notion allows our inner dialogues to remain healthy, and as we are a reflection of the divine around us (whatever that means to you) those words we speak about ourselves matter.
Our lives are like flowers whose petals must unfold as they – and Nature – are ready. To rush them is to destroy the life itself, whether directly or on a more, shall we say, spiritual level.
Allow yourself the room to BE without the confines of “should” – even when life feels askew, remember that the last time it felt that way, the cycle came whirling back around to everything-is-okay.
And…it will be. ❤
I have come a really long way, and I’m incredibly proud of that. But I also know I have much to learn. . .and that’s okay. The journey is a lifetime.
Each day is a new opportunity to be a better person – a better human being to myself, and those around me. We all deserve a happy and fulfilled life, but that very much begins with US.
My competition, much as they say, is myself yesterday. It isn’t a friend, neighbor or celebrity. It’s me, myself and I.
I am committed to choosing the high road. To standing up for what I believe in, and loving life fiercely.
I am committed to holding myself accountable, and to the standards to which I hold others…at a level just above that.
I am committed to being kinder to myself, because I’m a goddamn powerhouse with a heart the size of the globe.
I am committed to seeing the good and the beauty in all things, and to always make “the best of it” – worse isn’t a long shot for many, and I guarantee hundreds of thousands of people want what you have!
I am committed to being a better and better version of myself, to bring hope and joy to those around me, to give back as much as I’m able, and beyond…but also without losing myself in the process.
I have a list of goals and dreams miles long…and I believe they are all achievable.
It starts TODAY. Ten minutes ago. Life beats to time, and time is a drum that doesn’t stop.
The only control we have rests with us – LEARN. Live. Be kind to others, especially those who are there along the journey with you.
There’s room for all of us to succeed in our pursuits – Let’s be better together.
Until a person invests themselves fully – with a commitment not only in heart and spirit, but also in the mind – his goal will remain just beyond reach. If the mindset isn’t on board, it will be a long, and generally endless road. One cannot expect change when the mind is in opposition.
Along those lines, understand that no one ELSE is going to change unless they want it for themselves.
That’s the secret. That‘s the magic. When the mind believes and is committed, the change will occur. . .but never before that. The Universe knows when you are half-assing your beliefs and / or effort.
The great news? If you DO want it…whatever it is…you can have it. You can create and choose how your story will end.
We really DO have the choice…
Some days it takes a deep breath and a reminder. Other, it just comes naturally – a good mood is contagious, after all. What I have learned, both in grace, and through hardship, is that we do have the power to make that decision. As an Empath, there are moments that feel so suffocating that the prospect of morphing my mood from ill to cheery seems nigh impossible.
Deep breaths and an internal reminder that I have a choice really CAN help.
It didn’t matter that the person in front of me cut me off, or stood around while my groceries piled up as they took their time moving to the side.
It didn’t matter that the rain-soaked my clothes, or that the cat knocked over my glass, or that the person I held the door for didn’t say “thank you.”
I don’t have to have a perpetually bad day, or one which spirals downwards, because of any frustration.
I have a choice to be in a positive mood, and find the good in everything.
I may fall short from time to time but I’ve set it as my default – I’d rather be laughing, or encouraging smiles ‘ere I go, than walk about adding to a rainy day.