Living As An Imposter

Beyond the fact that I am utterly fascinated by human behavior, this particular “syndrome” is one I am especially interested in. Why? I have it!

What is Imposter Syndrome? It’s what is often described as a “phenomenon” (versus a mental disorder) whereby an individual feels he (or she) is not as accomplished as he is in reality. As such, there is an overwhelming feeling that he presents as something he is not. Or, in other words, those suffering from this syndrome feel like a full-on fraud, a sheep in lion’s clothing, and completely unworthy of their accolades. 

This article on Inc.com actually made me laugh – I wasn’t laughing at myself (nor anyone else who’s experienced this phenomenon), but rather because it’s so on point. The article, along with a few others out in the ether, suggest that this occurs for about 70% of the population – that, my friends, is no small sum! 

What got me onto the tangent? I was listening to a discussion the other day on the radio with Grace Killelea, founder of Half The Sky. And… I LOVED what she had to say. I’ve recently been mulling (rather feverishly, I confess) about my direction in life. I’ve found my fit and purpose but how to hone in and progress in a totally new field? How to do it at 40 years-old? How to feel successful without the external hoopla to validate my existence? What about all the accomplishments I’ve fought for along the way that I’m neglecting to acknowledge? 

The conversation, needless to say, was one I related to. At one point Grace was sharing her own journey – she talked about having to step back and reevaluate her own needs, attitudes, and approach to her career and life in general. She learned through some introspection that her intense need for approval and respect was disproportionate to what reality allows (the kind of realization that may be a tough pill to swallow at first!) She began to recognize that she personalized others’ responses, reactions and attitudes, and that she needed to let go – not so much of an internal standard, but of the expectation that others would meet her where SHE wanted…or that they really had any clue at all. Other people’s “stuff” often has zero to do with us – it would serve us well to remember that point across the board! She came out and said she had to let go of what “no longer served” her, and that is a phrase I use ALL the time.

Humans have a way of getting stuck in patterns – psychological, physical routines, stale attitudes, outdated opinions…whatever. They may have been what we needed once upon a time, but in some cases our older M.O.s serve only to hinder our current progress, or make a mess of present circumstances in a way we simply don’t need (who, really, needs any extra stress? If a negative outcome is at the hands of a habit we can change, might it not be worth tackling?)

Interestingly, it turns out that Impostor Syndrome isn’t a one-size-fits-all “psychological pattern” (phrase per Wikipedia’s link above) – no, there are in fact several profiles under the Imposter umbrella… This article from fastcompany.com shares five such categories, per author Valerie Young (The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: Why Capable People Suffer From the Imposter Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of It):

  1. The Perfectionist
  2. The Superwoman / man
  3. The Natural Genius
  4. The Rugged Individualist
  5. The Expert

If you aren’t sure which type you fall into, there are (perhaps not surprisingly) a plethora of quizzes online. I couldn’t say which one is the best, but if you pop it into google, you’re sure to find a few. I took this one just for giggles…though admittedly, I could have answered a few questions in a few different ways. Whether or not you partake in the game-like fun of online quiz taking, you probably know whether you suffer from this already…

But…

Is it something you are willing to admit to yourself or others? I actually feel a kind of freedom in sharing my less-than-desireable traits and struggles – it allows me to show that I am as human and flawed as the next person. Why is that a good thing?

  • It provides me the opportunity to connect more deeply with others (we are never really alone – SOMEone out there gets it)
  • It allows me to more fully embrace that I have areas in which I could use some work
  • It allows those who matter in my life to recognize that I am aware, willing, and able to address it
  • And it reduces the stigma I might feel internally about it (in fact, it may reduce the stigma others perceive as well)

I’m definitely not ashamed of this at all – in fact, I feel like many who know me well would say, “Oh, hell yes, she has that!” with a laugh. Those who know me strictly on the surface would doubt me to the moon, however… We impostors are really good at ACTING the part we *think* we aren’t really cut out for! 😉 What a conundrum!

If you also find yourself in this boat (no doubt a rowboat with a fancy ship facade? 😉 ) fear not… There are plenty of ways to mitigate the falsities your mind is surreptitiously suggesting. This article shares 21 tactics to try, Forbes gives a few tips as well, and this site touts 12 tricks of its own. Keep in mind, you can always google more. ALSO keep in mind that you ought to take EVERYTHING you read on the Internet (including my own diatribes!) with a grain of salt. Take what works, ditch what doesn’t – it is always up to you what you wish to absorb. 

I’m so excited that Grace Killelea’s segment coincided with my being in the car – it was one of those moments where I did receive some indirect external validation. While of course the idea is that we create our OWN (I’m working on this continually!) it did offer me a moment of I’m-not-alone-ness right when I needed it most. I suppose that’s why I feel so inclined to share…

So many of us go to work each day under what we *feel* is a guise. But lo and behold, if we really reel out the list of things we have accomplished in our lives, the progress we have made as individuals, and the positive impact(s) we have had on those around us…we would be bowled over with a well-deserved “WOW!”

Hold your chin up when you look in the mirror – remind yourself of your multitude of talents, abilities, and achievements. It takes work to bathe ourselves in affirmations, and it may feel a little silly, but do the work – you deserve to feel proud in your own skin because you’ve worked hard to get where you are. So, dangnabit, have I! I’ll be working at it with you. 

Xo

Pinterest and Personalities

I jumped on the Pinterest bandwagon many, MANY moons ago – truly back in its infancy. In 2010 I was still in the Fashion Industry when making trend and mood boards was a key component of my work. (Yes…I LOVED it!) 🙂 I was a lucky lady, and couldn’t have been more in my element.

I was a devourer of all things visual… It didn’t necessarily matter if a photo in question was of an actual SHOE or not (ladies footwear being the branch in which I worked for well over a decade.) I could use everything from images with obvious connections (footwear, handbags, accessories etc) to things that were more abstract (makeup artistry, rain-drenched sidewalk bricks, a caramel apple…) It really didn’t matter, so long as the color, or vibe, or depth captured what I was intending to weave into a story… A story that would serve as the basis for the colors, materials, and styles we’d select for that season, essentially…

So for me, Pinterest was a GOLD mine. I wish it had been around sooner, but I was thrilled to work with it back then…in spite of bugs and growing pains. It was massively addictive for me as a Fashion Director, but also just a highly visual person. It proved (and still does) equally as addictive for hoards of the – primarily female, as you might surmise – population. 

I can’t say that I’m on the site quite as much these days, but I still pull images with reasonable frequency. Each time I do so, I find myself smiling because Pinterest is so much more than what a large majority of people see it as being – as in, a board for to-dos or must-haves. For me it is more of a drool-fest – at least as far as my overarching usage goes. I pin images that I want to wrap myself in somehow…if not entirely and ravenously imbibe. They’re delicious, in a word (and to reduce it to one is a painful exercise!)

But there are boards I have created that do include things I would buy, or might should some event arise… For example, my Pinups and Fabulousness board… There are a plethora of sassy images – the just-for-fun-and-isnspiration kind. But then there are the pencil dresses or obscenely luscious heels that I desperately want a reason to buy – so says the tiny sliver of typical-female that I possess (because it really is a lot tinier than the grossly-generalized stereotype.)

Anyway, the real fun in Pinterest is that it is – I believe – a full-on snapshot of a person’s personality – it’s a lot more colorful than a Facebook, and I daresay farther reaching into the depth of one’s character than an Instagram (remember, these are images we can easily pull from every nook and cranny of the global Interweb ether!) It also happens to allow for the multiple facets of our being – I’m several things in one Geminian bundle myself. . .

For example…it would take under a second to see that I am obsessed with 50s glam – but not the frillier, cheesecake pinup fashion, so much as the badassery of Bettie Page. I’m all about fitted, curve-hugging, sensual shapes and lines… I have a gothic sensibility overall, which is glaringly obvious, paired with a little bit of “show” (performer much of my life, after all!) I love long heels and edgy details (like Paciotti’s infamous dagger going down the back of these killer heels…)

So if you are ever wondering about a person…check to see if they have any Interest boards out there. You’ll be amazed what you can learn . . .

I’ll share more of my boards later (unless you feel like looking now…) because it’s far too much to consume at once. In fact, a single board might prove daunting to the mundane mind! For me, though, it’s like a pool I dive into as much as I can (knowing that I must proceed with caution, lest I be pulled into the seductive undertow of image pinning!)

Inspire Others

This has always been one of my goals in life – honestly, since I can remember. I can’t say that I’ve always done the best job, and I know that I fall short at times… But there is nothing that gives me greater joy than contributing positively to someone’s life. My father calls me the “cheerer-upper,” which I desperately hoped I lived up to through the years (and I continue to strive for it!) But even more than that, I take such “designations” to heart – when someone says I inspire them to do something good for themselves, it’s like my heart wants to burst out of my chest.

It is a pursuit that will last all my years, and one that teaches me as I go… But I’ll never lose sight of it because I know what it’s like to be in the darkness with nary a spark to light the way. I  know what it’s like to face our deepest fears alone, and I don’t wish that for anybody.

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