I have never believed in coincidence…not even as a little girl. Instead, events felt more to me as if something grander conspired to have them occur. As if fate somehow knew one thing would lead to another (with the infinite multitude of permutations already calculated and accounted for. Naturally!)
I have always leaned towards optimism, believing that all experiences in Life have some positivity inherent within them – as the saying goes, “sometimes you win, sometimes you learn.” Learning for me is ever and always a positive.
Lest I go too deeply into hypotheticals… For one, I believe that we meet the people we are meant to meet, and when we are supposed to. Each person is a piece of a much larger, much more complex puzzle, fusing the ends of one lesson with another, or perhaps leaving another section open for something new to fit in.
After a long run of abusive and painful relationships I fell into a situation far worse than the others… Without realizing, I spiraled into a state much like being brainwashed, forfeiting my own passions, my own joy, my own Life for someone who couldn’t possibly appreciate it, much less see it.
It was, without question, the most devastating and painful of all of the traumas I’d been through, sending me into a state of non-function. But for the first time in my Life, the lights went on – ALL of them. Born of all that suffering, though, came the most critical lesson of all – the gift of knowing I am worth so much more. The gift of knowing I deserve love, respect and goodness.
Praise be the light switch…!
In my mind the prospect of coincidence is too far-fetched. The idea that there is some meaning, some reason, some benefit in circumstance, however, is one I can embrace more readily.
No matter how bleak the landscape became, nor how dark and oppressive, I believed I was on a path which would lead to others, PTSD be damned.
I believed my end was neither assured, nor imminent.
I had choices. But so too were those choices given to me, as there was something more elysian at work, guiding me to a reality so much brighter.
The moment my thinking changed, my Life was altered…for good…and for the better. That one snowy day at the beginning of Spring, the love of my Life walked through the door. I knew then. I knew immediately.
There was no coincidence in our meeting. No coincidence in our mutual friend wanting us to get together. I am wholly and utterly convinced that it was meant to be – divined by the Stars? A conspiracy of supernal magnitude?
Nothing that moment felt new – it was as if I’d known him forever. It was as if, on a much higher plane, my Spirit breathed a sigh of relief.
Or perhaps it was that it breathed for the first time in my Life…?
It is easy to say things are uncalculated, sometimes fortuitous, other times not…but then Life seems so much more Magical, mysterious, and purposeful to me…
I’d rather believe, right or wrong, that those diamonds which illuminate the velvet Night sky whisper and conspire…weaving dreams with possibilities, and bringing gifts into our Lives.